Dexter's not real, Dexter's not real...

Last night, I imagined that I'd get up at 8, refreshed and ready to go, and have two chapters edited by dinner time. Key word. Imagined.
The reality is I sat up in bed  in the dark until half past two, worrying about the placements and internships I'd applied for yesterday, worrying about the ones I hadn't applied for and worrying about the ones I didn't know about yet. When I fianlly did fall asleep I was plagued by terrifying dreams (Dexter told me he'd branched out from killing murders-he was now ridding the world of failures and I was on his list...) and so I subsequently slept through my many, many alarms and woke up way after 10, feeling lousy, convinced I'm going to fail at life and worried that maybe a serial killer is hiding in the shower. I've had my first chapter open on  my desktop for about an hour now, and I can't bear to look at it. Maybe in an hour or two...
It's my own fault. I was strictly advised by Carolyn, the nicest careers advisor I've ever met (many a times she's coaxed me back off the ledge) not to even think about applying for jobs till my dissertation is in and I'm safely back at home. And I promised to follow her advice, that is, until about a week ago. That's when the reality hit me that I'm going home with nothing to do. Cue another sleepless night.
The thought of going home to sit around and watch day time TV is not appealing. Not in the slightest. Not to mention that my parents house is full of people- I have a sister and a brother at home, as well as a gaggle of foster siblings (my parents are amazing) so it's always noiser than the local zoo. Plus there is the fact that I no longer have a bedroom, so I'll be sleeping on my brother's floor (It's a good thing I like Ben 1O) and living out of a suitcase. That's what I have to look forward to.
So fast forward a week, and I'm up to my eyes in applications and most certainly not dissertation work.  I'm sorry Carolyn. You were right, and you warned me this would happen; all I'm doing is stressing about things I can't control and not focusing on the things that I can. I can't help it though! Everything's a priority these days, and  there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything, especially when I sleep through half of them.
BUT I am going to try and pull this day back. I'm going to go and brave the rain to mail my CVS (to two publishing houses, and three magazines) and then forget about them. Then I shall come home and do a LOT of work, promise.
Because there is no point bragging about my MA on my CV if all I do is fail the damn thing....can someone please check the shower?